Today I Cried

Nothing out of the ordinary happened today. I was just on my usual work commute. The same route I’ve been driving for the past year. And as I passed the little elementary school I always drive by, I noticed the kids outside playing. Laughing. Running. Swinging. Just being kids.

And then I started crying. Like, full on tears. Because in that moment, I was watching pure joy and innocence. They were happy and completely unaware of everything going on in the world right now.

And that’s what broke my heart. They have no idea how heavy things feel out here. No idea what kind of world they’re growing up in. All they know is “go to school, play with your friends, be good.” Meanwhile, we, the adults, are just trying to keep it all together while the world feels like it’s falling apart.

It makes me so sad sometimes. Especially passing that school, a predominantly Black school, and it just sits heavy on my heart. I think about how many of their parents might not even know what’s coming, or might not have the means to prepare for it. And these sweet babies don’t deserve any of this.

I’ve even caught myself thinking lately that at some point, I might have to homeschool my daughter. And I’m okay with that. I could do it, I’m capable. But not everyone has that luxury. Not everyone has the time, the money, or the support to make that choice. And that’s what hurts the most.

Everything feels uncertain. Even at my old part time job, they’re struggling because of the government shutdown. I recently reconnected with one of the partners there, and she’s going through it. It’s tough all around.

So lately, I’ve just been finding gratitude in the smallest things, like walking into the grocery store and being able to buy food for my kid and me. Knowing the bills might not all get paid, but we’ll have what we need to eat and survive. And that’s not something I take for granted anymore.

Life feels heavy, but I’m still thankful. Thankful for what I do have. For my daughter. For another day to figure it out. But I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t hurt watching the world crumble while kids still find joy in the swing set.

We are shaping a future they’ll have to live in. And they have no say in it. That’s what gets me the most.